Reciprocity

It’s a great word isn’t it? So much fun to say, and somehow it captures my imagination and sends it in all kinds of directions. But what is reciprocity? It’s defined as “a relation of mutual dependence or action or influence.” That covers a lot of ground; it could touch on multiple areas of life.

Think about it in the framework of your marriage and/or family life. Don’t we all want parents, siblings, a spouse, or kids we can depend on? Someone who will do what they say, be there for all the bumps and bruises of life, and support us when our world comes crashing down around us? I don’t know about you, but that sounds wonderful to me. Then comes the hard truth: if that’s what we want, that’s also who we need to be. Somehow, that doesn’t sound quite so dreamy.

What about a relationship where everyone takes action to move in the same direction? Like a well-oiled machine people come together and do what it takes to accomplish a specific goal. Have you ever had an experience like that? I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to have had some of those experiences (but then, I’m probably older than most of you). They don’t happen often, so when they do it’s beautiful partly because it’s so rare; partly because there’s something inside us that knows it should be the norm rather than the exception.

And, finally, that last one: influence. It took me a while to wrap my head around how “influence” could be mutual enough to qualify as reciprocity. So, I decided to use this wonderful site I go to when I’m searching for a word, or a different way to phrase things. It’s called Visualthesaurus – it’s been quite helpful. This time it tossed up four verbs that were connected to influence. Two of them sparked a thought process: shape and mold. I do want to be in relationships that shape my thoughts and actions in a way that broadens my horizons and molds me into a better version of myself. And, I want to be able to reciprocate; to help others grow and change in positive ways.

Now, that sounds like the best picture of reciprocity I’ve come across yet … and maybe the hardest and most challenging one to achieve. After all, it takes a lot of work and sometimes a lot of pain to let go of the things that are detrimental to us and stretch for those that will improve us. Is it worth it? I’d have to say, “yes”. And usually so much better than the alternative: staying as we are.

So, here’s your challenge: do you have areas of reciprocity in your life? And, if you do, can you pinpoint and describe them? It’s something to think about …