Am I Angry …? Or Afraid …?

As parents our first response when we see one of our children doing something we don’t think they should do is usually anger. Or at the very least frustration. But there are different categories, aren’t there? If you see them smack their sibling, it’s a different emotion that presents itself from the one that rising when you see they’ve decorated one of your walls with crayons. The first instance is an example of not being kind; of deliberately hurting someone else. The second one is most likely just outright disobedience … or maybe exuberant creativity?

And, what about when you realize one of your small ones is dashing out into the street? That happened to me once with a then two-and-a-half-year old. It wasn’t actually a street – we were in a parking lot. Still, there were moving vehicles in his vicinity. The emotion that immediately charged to the front was fear, almost terror, followed quickly by anger when I was able to grab him before he got hurt. And, to be honest the anger was strictly because he’d scared me half to death!

I had a small epiphany this morning though, that put a new spin on this part of life. There have been times in my life when one of my children has hurt me – not physically, but emotionally. And, I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been intentional. But knowing that doesn’t stop the results of fear, anger and/or sadness becoming part of the scenario. The fear is usually about how to deal with the situation: do I say something or just let it ride? If I’m gonna say something, what’s it going to be? There doesn’t ever seem to be an easy answer.

The sadness triggers anger at some point – especially since I don’t feel I deserve whatever has happened. (Do parents ever feel they deserve bad things from their children?) But the anger isn’t productive … it tends to only make things worse, so I do my best to let go of it. If I don’t, I’ll just be sadder than before because now I’ve failed to act like an adult. That’s a merry-go-round I don’t want to climb on.

This was all washing around in my brain this morning and I realized something: in a current situation, I am experiencing all of those emotions. BUT, I’m angry more because I feel the children are hurting themselves rather than because of my pain. I’m fearful that if, and when, they wake up to what is happening, they will deeply regret their decisions and their actions. And it makes me sad. I’ve spent a good bit of my life living in regret over some of my past decisions and I don’t want that for my own kids on any level.

But, isn’t that the way God feels about me? When he tells me to do something, or to not do something, it’s always out of a desire to protect me. If I’d listened and obeyed in the past, I wouldn’t have experienced a lot of those regrets I mentioned. God isn’t a grumpy curmudgeon, but he does get angry. There are plenty of examples in the Bible – times when a person, a group, or a whole nation walked right past his warning signs, didn’t listen when he spoke, and/or deliberately went their own way. The results were never pleasant. They haven’t been in my life either.

All of this to say it looks on one hand like I could be maturing: I might actually be upset not because I’m selfish, but because I’m protective of the ones I love. On the other hand, it’s a reminder that I need to act like Jesus: try to be there to guide them, let them go their own way when they insist, and stand waiting with open arms and a forgiving heart if … no, make that when they return.