Do you have a “word” for 2022?

As always, when I want to use a word but I’m not completely positive if I can define it, I look it up. Here’s what I found:

Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines tenaciousness as:
Noun: The quality of holding fast; unwilling to quit, resign, or let go.
And, tenacity has this description:
Noun: that quality of bodies that keeps them from parting without considerable force; cohesiveness; the effect of attraction.
Visual Thesaurus listed these synonyms: persistent, dogged.

I’ve known people who choose a word or a phrase they feel God wants them to focus on for the year. Nothing has ever come to mind for me. Until recently. Now that it’s March, and with what has been happening externally and internally so far this year, I feel the need for a more consistent focus.

I can’t tell you exactly where I got these words, but my gut says they came from God … they just kept popping into my mind in random moments. I do know they both strike a chord for me right now. Maybe they won’t be my mantra or watchwords for the entire year … then again, maybe they will. I do know that both of them express qualities that I truly need if I’m to move forward as I want to. And I wonder what I’ll see this time next year if I pursue turning them from simple words into descriptions of myself. What would I be able to accomplish if I was really determined to hold fast to my path? If I was unwilling to quit the process, resign from the job, or let go of the dream? (All of which I’m prone to want to do.) What would happen if I could doggedly hold on to the goal in such a way that it would take considerable force to separate me from it?

If I’m honest, and I always try to be in my writing, as it stands right now, I don’t see it happening. None of those terms would describe my track record so far. Yes, I did manage to get Clandestiny written and published; yes, I do have my blog up and running (although my posting timetable is, in my view, inadequate). But, looking back, I would describe that process as having been hot and cold; hit and miss; run, crawl, come to a dead stop, then run again. History tells me that it doesn’t take much to get me off track – almost anything will do. And I am top notch at finding excuses for not buckling down … unless I have a deadline that I would be embarrassed to miss. When I was doing live theatre, I always had my lines down cold before opening night – even at that, I was mortified if I messed them up. It would have been horrific for me to just not know them!

But here’s the deal: writing is by its nature mostly a solitary operation. At least it is for me. If I’ve got a train of thought going, just a one-word interruption can completely wipe the tracks clean. It’s not really a “group experience”; sometimes I wish it could be. Yes, I did collaborate with Mark in Clandestiny. But we didn’t write any of that when we were together; in fact, for most of it we were separated by hundreds, if not thousands of miles. I guess what I’m getting at is that, unlike theater, when I’m writing there is no “director” organizing and managing the time, and there are no other “cast members” who are depending on me not only to know my stuff, but to know it in a particular time frame. When I write all of that has to be managed internally by yours truly; an internal drive has to be kicked into gear, fueled, and kept moving. And sometimes that internal drive is more like a sputtering jalopy than a well-fueled and maintained sports car …

SO … all of what you just read was actually written in March of this year – it’s now the end of July, and my sputtering jalopy has yet to be replaced by anything that is well-fueled and maintained … much less speedy like a sports car. Hence the need for me to preach “tenaciousness” and “tenacity” to myself – at least for the rest of this year. This needs to become so important to me that I hold it tightly enough for it to require anyone or anything to have and use considerable force to separate me from it.

Are any of you sailing on this ship? Are you perhaps relating to my issue here? Do you have things you thought you’d accomplish this year that are still sitting somewhere in plain view, but are covered in metaphorical dust? Or have they been stuffed in an imaginary drawer or closet and are pretty much forgotten at this point? If so, I sympathize with what you’re feeling … whether it be frustration, or failure, or depression, or just plain old anger at yourself. I get it. My husband would tell you he gets it too – oh, not because he necessarily experiences it for himself. But the poor guy lives with me and can’t really escape all the fallout of my less than pleasant moods. And, is there a solution?

I’d like to tell you I could imitate Mary Poppins and pull something magical out of my carpetbag. But, I can’t … and even if I could you probably wouldn’t trust me or believe it. However, I do know Someone who has all the solutions, even if I don’t always wait to hear them or understand them. And, I’ve known times when things that have come to my mind, or someone who knows me has made a comment, or people I’ve just met have pulled up a window shade and let in the light or opened a door I wasn’t even aware of and, well … suddenly things were clear. Those are exciting times … but they don’t happen consistently. And, that’s what I’m striving for: consistence — which brings us full circle back to tenacity. SO …

What I need to do is stop waiting for the magical moments and just plop myself down in front of my computer, and start writing – no matter how I feel in the moment. I have to accept the realization that not everything that flows onto the page will be something I want to print. In fact, most likely the majority will not be. But it’s the action of doing that’s actually more important than the product … because without that action, there won’t be any product to pick and choose from and when the year comes to an end, I’ll be right where I am now. Which today can be described as “clawing my way out of the doldrums … again!”

So, it’s not magical … sometimes it’s not a lot of fun … sometimes it’s incredibly hard, and even downright painful. Which is where it’s been this week. But by hanging on with all my might, gluing my hands, head and heart to the dream, keeping my spiritual eyes focused on Jesus and my physical ones on the goal, when someone asks me one day how I did it, I’ll be able to reply, “It took tenacity … so, with God’s help, (and my husband’s) I became tenacious.”